This topic came about because I have a friend that is getting to know someone and the question was whether or not my friend wanted a relationship or someone that they occasionally pursue the latin dance with- in other words, a f*** buddy (FB). It was decided that there were already some possible serious feelings present, but not before we went over the “rules” of having a FB.

Research for this post was hilarious, not only because there were a lot of Medallas consumed that day (my liver can vouch for that), but because no one was off limits as far as asking people what they thought the rules were. I spoke with single people, people in relationships, young, not as young, men, women, you get the point… and asked them all, “What are the rules to having a FB?” And every single person had an answer, some had a list.

So this is what was pretty much decided by all –

What you do never becomes public – the knowledge of it is only between the two of you. FBs do not stay the night at each others place, unless it’s a too much to drink can’t drive situation, and if that’s the case, the next day, there is no continuation – you do not stick around for breakfast and morning snuggles. You also never mark territory – take your belongings with you, you’re FBs not bf/gf. You don’t go on dates or hang out unless the end result is going to be the two of you naked in bed doing what adults do when they’re naked in bed… and not married for 100 years… and are without children sleeping in their bed… and are not upset with each other and don’t have headaches. We on the same page? Good.

Then, the rules started to get complicated –

You maintain an open line of communication. In other words, be honest. Set boundaries – can you call each other for a fun night or is it a one way thing? Decide whether or not you’re allowed to have other FBs and respect each others space. As soon as someone gets jealous or you feel that the other is lying, end it – you only take shit/work for a real relationship.

But then the contradiction to all of that was –

No attachments.

Which makes it obvious that the only actual rule to having a FB is pretty simple –

No expectations.

Because the truth is that once you start putting so much thought into something and giving something rules, you’ve officially created a relationship with meaning. And if the point is to not be in an actual relationship and just have fun with someone whenever you want to, whatever the two of you are doing when you’re not together, doesn’t matter. None of it matters. In the end, you just have to be mature about it.

I remember a FB I had back in the day. (It was over 10 years ago, stop judging and pretending like you’ve never had one.) I really liked him, and before you say that I’m going back on everything I just said, hear me out. The reason that I really liked him, was because I had no expectation of him, and him, none of me. We literally only hung out when we knew what was up, only called each other for the same reason, and if we saw each other out with someone else, we would say “Hi”, but never interfered. It was just nice to not have any of the obligations of a relationship, but at the same time, have one of the perks. We never spoke about it or complicated anything. It wasn’t necessary. It was just something that happened, and we were both always on the same page without having to show each other the book. I honestly can’t even tell you when it all ended. I can’t remember if it was because I moved to another country or if one of us started dating someone. I just remember that I saw him again years later, when I was visiting friends, and although our FB days were for sure long gone, done and over with, we were able to chat and catch up. And that was it. Nothing more.